We’re off to see the Apple Man, the wonderful Apple Man of Oz.  Because, because, because, because, becaaaaause – because of the wonderful things he does.  (And fruit he sells?)

I have no idea what “blur dancing” means or who the hell Abi is, all I know is I want to hang out with them.

Well how the HELL am I supposed to know if they’re awesome and if I’d even want to follow/make fun of them if I can’t see anything they’ve posted?  The point of Twitter is not to be private – it’s so everyone in the whole wide world can know what you’re doing at every second.  Get it right, jackass.

If you’re gonna shoplift, you might not want to give everyone an exact location.  Just thinkin’ out loud here.

just going out on a limb here, but how ’bout big tits?

I recently had a friend tell me that she was “thinking of leaving facebook for Twitter”.  This post reminded me of that statement.  Let’s face it – social networking sites are really like relationships.  You have to check on them, keep them updated, cuddle with them.  It’s a lot of maintenance.  I think that leaving FB for Twitter is a good plan though.  I have so many “requests” on Facebook that I don’t even know where to begin.  “So-and-so has thrown a shitting Koala bear at you.  Click here to shove a snowcone in their face.”  Ummm, what does that even mean?!  And all of these “causes” that people want you to join – enough already!  And what about “becoming a fan” of things?  I literally saw something on my thread that said “Your friend has become a fan of sunshine.”  Ummm DUH.  What’s next?  Becoming a fan of breathing?  Taking a dump?  At least with Twitter it’s just a statement.  If people want to see what you’re doing or what you have to say, they can.  No shitting Koala bears involved.

Dude.  Squirrels don’t hang out at the airport.  You brought them with you.  Perhaps if fuzzy tailed rats have taken up residence under the hood of your vehicle either a) you should drive it more often or b) you store your cans of Planter’s in there.  And ya know what else?  They are sneaky little bastards.  I’d be willing to bet that the hood isn’t the only space they’ve invaded.  If squirrels can set up camp in there, who the hell knows what other kind of critter could be using your Civic as their home address.  Have you checked the trunk?  10 to 1 there’s a family of raccoons in there playing cards and smoking cigars.  Do yourself (and any wildlife loving friend of yours who is brave enough to catch a ride with you) a favor – don’t replace the distributor.  Get a new car.

Oh and p.s. turn off the auto-text on your phone if you’re going to do “mobile tweets” – I’m thinkin’ that it should have been “just” and not “junk”.

Here are things that I know about this person.  1) He can’t spell or use proper punctuation, 2) He is tweeting to the world his agitation with the fact that he needs to get laid, 3) He gets PAID, like for a JOB, to work with children. 

At least we can take solace in the fact that he will undoubtedly teach the bitches and hoes in his kindegarten class to know their role.  And, in addition to macaroni and glue art projects,  I’m guessing that he’ll teach the five year old gangstas in the class how to spit mad game to all the ladies just like he does.  After all, if a Twitter status update asking if that special lady “wanna fuk” doesn’t get you in her pants, well I just really don’t know what will.